Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Tired of fighting!

The distance from my family has really been getting to me.  It has been six months since I've last seen my family!  It hurts so bad my body literally aches.  As I anticipate the upcoming trip we have planned, I have realized a few things over the past few weeks.  The past few weeks, I have found myself feeling so unhappy.  Things that once made me fill with joy didn't anymore.  Little things really made me angry.  My anger was surfacing so easy (something I have worked on for years, releasing that anger to the Lord before it erupts).  I was just not satisfied with anything.  My poor husband was doing everything right.  He was patient and showed so much grace to his inconsolable confused wife.  I was angry with myself for being angry with him for the little things (we literally had a fight over him not being able to find a pair of Jayme's socks fast enough for me). 

I was confused, finding myself thinking, "he's (Jason) doing everything right, why isn't this enough? Why isn't this making me feel better?"  At the beginning of our car trip to the Kancamgus hwy and having yet another unsatisfying moment with my WONDERFUL little family, I realized as I sat sulking in silence what it was...what this unexplained unhappiness was!  That night (after repenting and asking for forgiveness yet again from my husband and children for the morning explosion) in the quiet of my own bedroom, I fell to my knees asking my heavenly father to fill the needs of my heart!  These things that I was expecting my husband to fulfill and thought "if only I could be with my Oregon family, everything would be ok".  God heard me!  This is not a new idea for me, I know that God alone is the only one that can truly meet my innermost needs.

That night, I slept better than I had in weeks!  Jason and I have had such a blessed time with each other, finally enjoying each other’s company again!  We have experienced a lot in our ten years together; this has been a difficult year for us.  No one has ever said marriage is easy, this year with the added stress of developing ourselves as a family within a new community and church family makes our efforts even more difficult.  Satan knows how to work against us or worse get us to work against us but it brings such peace to my heart knowing that we have faithful prayer warriors behind us each day!  God's army is greater than any and HE is fighting for us...with us!  I got too tired to fight anymore, too tired to fight with the devil, my family, and myself....I gave it up to the Lord, just as he was sitting there waiting for me to do!

Will you join us in praying against the devil in our home?!

I have been humbled to think that God knows the strength of our relationship with him and each other.  He put us right here right now because as difficult as we might think it is, he knew we would be drawn closer to Him and each other!  Thank you Jesus for never giving up on us!

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